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As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.