The Phrases shared by A Parent That Saved Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate among men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."